Why Gifts May Help Your Friend More Than Talking
Why Gifts May Help Your Friend More Than Talking
Research shows that when your loved ones are struggling, a small gift may be more effective than a conversation
Money shouldn’t buy love. But a few dollars spent on a small gift may go a long way in helping a friend who’s having a hard time.
In research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, Professor Tanya Chartrand of Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business found that sending gifts may be more effective than conversations for someone needing emotional support.
“We have always assumed that talking with someone in person is the gold standard of supporting someone who's going through a rough time. But we found that people may respond better to receiving a small gift,” Chartrand said.
Previous research from Chartrand and colleagues had shown that those offering support often choose gifts to avoid the awkwardness of in-person interactions.
However, the new study found that even the receivers of support may prefer the excitement and thoughtfulness of a small gift.
An experiment with real partners
In seven studies, Chartrand and co-authors Holly Howe and Hillary Wiener (both former Fuqua PhDs) recruited nearly 4,000 participants to test whether gifts are more effective to address the emotional recovery of people facing challenges.
One study involved 81 real pairs — mostly friends, romantic partners, or classmates and coworkers from a southeastern university.
“These were people with real-life bonds,” Chartrand said.
The researchers randomly divided each pair into “support giver” and “support receiver” and instructed the support receivers to write a private note to their partners about a real problem for which they needed emotional support.
“It could be, ‘my mom is sick,’ which their partner probably already knew,” Chartrand said. “Or it could be, ‘I've been really stressed at work lately,’ which maybe they hadn't mentioned yet to their partner.”
After the receivers answered some questions assessing their emotional state, support givers were instructed to either spend 5 minutes talking with their partner about their problem, or they were given $3 to buy the receiver a few snacks delivered in a gift bag.
One week later, support receivers were contacted again to re-test their emotional state.
The study showed that participants who received gifts experienced more emotional recovery than those who had a conversation.
Those who received a snack also reported perceiving their partners as having made a greater sacrifice than those who offered a conversation.
“It’s pretty surprising that that giving someone a small gift — as small as a couple snacks — is considered a bigger sacrifice than spending time with them and talking through their problems, but we consistently observed this,” Chartrand said.
Why people think gifts involve more ‘sacrifice’ than conversations
In a follow up study conducted online, participants were asked to imagine they had been rejected from their dream job and were texting their friend for support.
Their “friends” in the experiment responded in one of two ways:
• Gift condition: They couldn’t talk right now, but they had ordered a treat on Uber Eats
• Conversation condition: They were busy at the moment, but they would call after work
The results showed that participants perceived gifts as more “receiver focused” than conversations because — they believed — conversations also benefited the support giver.
Further studies confirmed that gifts were considered a greater sacrifice because they were perceived as solely motivated by the desire to benefit the person in need of support, the researchers found.
Chartrand said it may seem counterintuitive that gifts are viewed as more selfless than in-person support, “but that’s what we found.”
“A small token gift, like a candle or some flowers, just tells someone that you're thinking about them,” she said.
“Consolation” gifts: A new opportunity for marketers
Up until now, marketers have primarily focused on gifts for celebratory occasions — birthdays, graduations, weddings — rather than for “consolation” purposes, Chartrand said.
But the finding that someone going through a difficult time may find gifts more helpful presents new marketing opportunities, she said.
“Marketers could engage in customer education through promotions, highlighting the emotional boost that distressed people get from small token gifts,” she said.
Chartrand said this research made her feel less guilty whenever she sends a gift to a struggling friend.
“I used to feel guilty if I didn’t call and talk to them at length on the phone,” she said. “But now I don't feel as bad sending a gift, knowing that it will likely improve their mood even more.”
This story may not be republished without permission from Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business. Please contact media-relations@fuqua.duke.edu for additional information.